One of the most difficult things in life is to keep everyone happy in a band. In most situations, you're playing together because of the music that you collectively make, not because you're friends. That can lead to a number of personality clashes that will need to be resolved, or else you'll find the band folding right before your eyes. Here's an excerpt from
How To Make Your Band Sound Great (the band improvement book) that covers the 6 steps in resolving a band conflict.
"Being in any relationship requires at least some compromise and a band is no different from what you’d expect between family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, bosses and co-workers. There are times where you just have to bend in order to keep the peace.
While compromise is easy for some people, others have a personality that would never allow it and a conflict occurs. Here are some effective steps that you can take to state your case in a way that should resolve the conflict.
1. Cool off first - Conflicts can’t be solved when emotions are running hot. Take some time to get away from the problem for a bit and brainstorm on exactly what the problem is, how it was caused, and most important, a possible solution.
2. Present accolades, support and respect - The first thing to do is acknowledge the person’s accomplishments and talent. Something like, “I want to start by saying that I think the band has never been better since you joined and the parts that you’re singing are way better than I ever expected.”
3. Analysis of why the problem occurred - If you give a clear explanation of why you think there’s a problem or why the problem or conflict has occurred, you set the initial groundwork for solving the conflict. If the other person knows exactly what your side of the story is, you might find more often than not that you’re both on the same page, but on different sides of it.
4. Take responsibility and use “I” messages - If you have a part in a conflict that you’re aware of, take responsibility and own up to it, but make sure that everything is from your point of view. For instance, it’s best to say, “I think you were really flat on that part,” rather than “Everybody knows that you always sing that part flat,” or worse, “You’re singing sucks, man.”
5. Describe what I or we need so the problem doesn’t happen again - This is the solution from your point of view. “We really need you to be here ten minutes before rehearsal so you have time to set up. That way we can get our full rehearsal in, which we really need right now.”
6. Support their success - Tell him that you want him to win to, because if he wins, so do you. “The better you sound, the better we all sound,” or “Do you know how great we’re going to sound once you get that part down? We’re going to kill!”
To
read additional excerpts from How To Make Your Band Sound Great and other books, go to the excerpt section of
bobbyowsinski.com.
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